The focus of my relationship

I was reading in the last chapter of the Gospel of John where Jesus was restoring Peter to fellowship after his denial of Jesus at the time of Jesus’ trial. Jesus finished the restoration and told Peter the manner in which he would die. Then came to these verses:

²⁰Then Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them,….²¹Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, “But Lord, what about this man?”

²²Jesus said to him, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You must follow Me.”

What struck me about these verses was how much like Peter I am. When I’m given information about a hardship I must endure, I tend to look around and say, “What about them?” I don’t think I’m alone in this reaction.

Like me, I think most people want to feel like they are not singled out for a dose of hardship, but that the experience is also being given to others. Maybe by feeling that others are having the same experience we somehow find it easier to accept what is happening to us. If I get a speeding ticket, I want to know about the fate of all those other drivers I witness speeding by. If I find that I’m going to have to work overtime hours, I want to know if others are going to have to suffer too.

Jesus’ response puts the correct perspective on the situation. “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You must follow Me.” In essence Jesus is saying, “His relationship is with me and his future is between him and me, and that’s not your concern. Your your relationship is with me. That is your only concern.” Jesus wants to be in relationship with me and he wants my focus to be on him. How Jesus deals with others is between him and them. If I am looking how Jesus is dealing with others, my focus is no longer on him.

The wonderful thing is that Jesus is able to focus on us as if we were the only person in the world. That is a thought that is hard to comprehend; Jesus wants a one to one relationship with me. He also wants a one to one relationship with everyone else; but, each relationship is personal and what goes on in each relationship is private. It is enough that I acknowledge our relationship and that I follow him. He will take care of everyone else as his relationship with them dictates.

There is a freedom in that understanding. I need only be concerned about what Jesus and I are doing together. How Jesus deals with everyone else is not my concern. That does not mean that I don’t care about others, what they are experiencing, their joys and sorrows, successes and failures. My relationship with Jesus requires me to love others as he loves me. Even more, because my loving them is part of the relationship Jesus and I share, whether or not they love me back doesn’t matter. As long as I’m obedient in my relationship with him, Jesus will take care of the rest.

There is more to this, I believe, but that will have to wait until another time when my understanding becomes clearer.

Knowing who I am

It occurred to me the other day that most of us don’t know who we really are. Yes, we know we are humans with spouses, parents, siblings, and children.  We are also church goers, employees, friends and so on. But, do we really know who we are?

I started thinking about that. I haven’t completely worked it through yet, but felt I could share my initial thoughts. I went through all same things I mentioned above: I am a husband, father, brother, son. I am an engineer and an employee. I am an elder in my church, a choir member, a Christian. When I got to Christian I had to ask myself what that meant. After thinking about that a bit, I came up with the following list.

As a Christian:

    1. I am loved by the creator of the universe.

    2. I am forgiven because Jesus took the consequences of my sins in my place.

    3. I am a child of the King, joint heir to the throne by adoption.

    4. I am a residence for the Holy Spirit, who guides and comforts me.

When I pause and reflect on what these statements say, I am humbled. I mean the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent creator God of the universe loves me. He loves me so much He sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to live on earth and die for me. The death of Jesus paid the atoning price for my sins so I could be clean and able to spend all eternity in Heaven with my heavenly Father. I mean, how awesome is that?

Even more important, I believe, is that through the fact that Christ paid the atonement for my sins, I am his and through him the Father’s. So I not only get to spend eternity with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit; I get to do that as a family member, an heir to the Kingdom by adoption.

So the real question is not “Who am I?”; but “Whose am I?” Once I’ve been able to firmly acknowledge "whose" I am, the answer of who I am will become easier. I think there’s a lot more to this that I haven’t worked through, so I expect to come back to this again.

Knowing God

It seems that I consistently find myself in situations where I fail to do or say what is appropriate. That failure always produces undesirable consequences. I get really tired of experiencing undesirable consequences.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why I fail in these situations. Something I remember being taught about going through painful experiences is to look for God in them. So, I began looking for God in the situations, my failure in the situation, and the consequences of my failure.

One thing I realized is that each situation is a kind of test. If I have learned the lesson, I will come through the situation unscathed. If I fail, well, I experience something undesirable. That realization led to the next logical thought. What is the lesson I am to learn?

Keeping in mind that the lesson was from God helped to narrow the focus of my search. Another question that helped was to ask, “Why did I fail to do or say what is appropriate?” The answer which I eventually arrived at was that I was relying only on my own understanding of the situation and what I thought was appropriate. Putting that answer together with this being a God arranged lesson led to the conclusion that I wasn’t seeking God’s input for the appropriate response to the situation. But I have tried seeking God's input a few times and effort did not bear any fruit. Naturally, this train of thought continued with the question of, “Why didn’t my seeking God’s input work?”

Getting the answer to this question took a lot more thought. Like so many people, I function mostly at an intellectual level. That is, I look at situations with my eyes, recall my experiences, make what I think are rationale choices, etc. I rely on my head knowledge and what I know. I read the Bible and understand what it says in my head. When I pray, the words are from my head. Sometimes, things like a scripture verse or someone’s prayer will touch my heart; but I mostly function in my head.

However, I've learned that God works on a deeper level than just in my head. He works in my heart. When God speaks to me, he speaks through my heart. So, if I want to hear God’s voice, I must learn to listen with my heart. Being the “head thinker” that I am, I haven’t learned to be a very good “heart thinker.”

So, now, I think I am closing in on the answer to my original question, “What is the lesson I am to learn?” I am to seek God’s guidance in all things, listening for his response with my heart.

My work is laid out in front of me: I must learn to diligently seek God’s guidance in all that I do and learn to listen with my heart. The first task is one of building a new habit, but the second is far more difficult for me. I have to learn to be a “heart thinker.” In doing this, I will learn to know God in my heart and not just in my head.

This will take a lot of time and effort and, I suspect, a lot of growing. I’ll try to share some of my experiences in this process from time to time.