Knowing God

It seems that I consistently find myself in situations where I fail to do or say what is appropriate. That failure always produces undesirable consequences. I get really tired of experiencing undesirable consequences.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why I fail in these situations. Something I remember being taught about going through painful experiences is to look for God in them. So, I began looking for God in the situations, my failure in the situation, and the consequences of my failure.

One thing I realized is that each situation is a kind of test. If I have learned the lesson, I will come through the situation unscathed. If I fail, well, I experience something undesirable. That realization led to the next logical thought. What is the lesson I am to learn?

Keeping in mind that the lesson was from God helped to narrow the focus of my search. Another question that helped was to ask, “Why did I fail to do or say what is appropriate?” The answer which I eventually arrived at was that I was relying only on my own understanding of the situation and what I thought was appropriate. Putting that answer together with this being a God arranged lesson led to the conclusion that I wasn’t seeking God’s input for the appropriate response to the situation. But I have tried seeking God's input a few times and effort did not bear any fruit. Naturally, this train of thought continued with the question of, “Why didn’t my seeking God’s input work?”

Getting the answer to this question took a lot more thought. Like so many people, I function mostly at an intellectual level. That is, I look at situations with my eyes, recall my experiences, make what I think are rationale choices, etc. I rely on my head knowledge and what I know. I read the Bible and understand what it says in my head. When I pray, the words are from my head. Sometimes, things like a scripture verse or someone’s prayer will touch my heart; but I mostly function in my head.

However, I've learned that God works on a deeper level than just in my head. He works in my heart. When God speaks to me, he speaks through my heart. So, if I want to hear God’s voice, I must learn to listen with my heart. Being the “head thinker” that I am, I haven’t learned to be a very good “heart thinker.”

So, now, I think I am closing in on the answer to my original question, “What is the lesson I am to learn?” I am to seek God’s guidance in all things, listening for his response with my heart.

My work is laid out in front of me: I must learn to diligently seek God’s guidance in all that I do and learn to listen with my heart. The first task is one of building a new habit, but the second is far more difficult for me. I have to learn to be a “heart thinker.” In doing this, I will learn to know God in my heart and not just in my head.

This will take a lot of time and effort and, I suspect, a lot of growing. I’ll try to share some of my experiences in this process from time to time.