An Alegory

I was having a tough time. The economy was bad, international tensions were high, and my boss was being unreasonable and demanding. I was miserable and afraid. I didn’t know what to do.

I tried drinking, having sex with girls I picked up in bars, bought things for myself. But, when I sobered up, the world was still the same. When the girls went home, I still felt alone. And the things I bought just added to the bills I had to pay. Nothing seemed to work.

However, I noticed there were some people that didn’t seem affected by all the turmoil. I’d see them in the coffee shop, at the grocery store or shopping at the mall. They seemed to be happy and at peace in the midst of all the tension and strife.

So, I started asking around to find out who these strange people were. After a little while, I learned they were members of group known as The Body.

“I have to talk to one of these people,” I thought.

After checking around I found one of my neighbors down the street named, Bill, was a member of The Body. One day I was able to talk to Bill. I asked him, “How is it that you are able to be happy and at peace in the midst this horrible world we live in?”

“My joy comes from my Leader.” Bill said. “My Leader cares about me. He and the Father, the Leader’s father, provide for my every need, give me comfort when I’m troubled, peace when I’m anxious, and hope when I despair.”

I was intrigued. So, I said, “This is interesting. Tell me more.”

“We all have an eternal life,” Bill answered. “This mortal life is just the beginning. When our mortal life ends there are two places we can go. One is a paradise called Heaven where the Leader and the Father live. The other place is a dark and miserable place where there is no access to the Leader or Father. We are given the choice of where we go, but that choice is made before we leave this life.”

“Wow! Sounds like Heaven is the place to go. How do I go about making the choice?”

“Those who choose to become part of The Body are bound for heaven. Those that refuse to join The Body are bound for that place where the Leader and his Father are not present.” He answered.

“What is the membership fee to join

 The Body?” I asked Bill.

“You would have to pay for all the wrongs you have ever committed, we call them sins. Once you have paid for your sins, the Father sees you as pure and sinless. Only those who are pure can go to Heaven.” was his answer.

“Ok, how much do my sins cost? What kind of work do I have to do to earn enough to pay for them?”

“Oh, you will never earn enough to pay for them.” Bill replied.

“There has to be something! You know, like special tasks or maybe rituals. How many good things do I have to do to offset the sins I’ve done?”

Bill’s reply was blunt. “There are no special tasks, no rituals, and you can never erase your sins by simply being good.”

This news stunned me. There was no way I could ever pay the entrance fee? Surely, there must be some way. After all, Bill and all those others got in. “Then how do people get into The Body? How did you get in?”

Bill answered, “There is a scholarship available. The Leader paid the entrance fee for all who would join The Body. What he did was take on all the sins anyone has ever committed in the past or will ever commit in the future and carried them to hell. After three days, he came back purified, leaving all those sins in hell. All I had to do was accept the scholarship and acknowledge the Leader as my Lord. This way, no one could brag about all the things they had done to gain entrance.”

“How did you qualify for the scholarship and just what does acknowledging the Leader as Lord involve?”

“I qualified by acknowledging I was a sinner, that the Leader had paid the price for my sins on my behalf and accept the gift of the scholarship. For the Leader to be my Lord, I must be his servant. As the Leader’s servant, I work to be obedient to his will for my life and acknowledge I am only a steward of the things I own and the life I have been given. I trust him to provide for all my needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Letting go of trying to do that for myself lets me enjoy my life and be at peace. I find joy in the work he gives me, the people he brings into my life, and really experiencing the love he showers upon me, even in the most difficult of times.”

Well, I accepted the scholarship and the lordship of the Leader. While it didn’t happen all at once, I soon learned to live as a servant and bask in the unending, unconditional love of the Leader and his father. Now, when I see others who aren’t members of the body, I talk to the Leader about how to get them to join the body. I ask him to work in their life to bring them to someone to show them how to join, the way Bill did for me.

Life is still tough and frequently brings suffering and pain. But now, I have the Leader in my life, and I am confident everything will work out great because he loves me and wants only the best for me. Even during the dark times, I can experience joy because I know the Leader is beside me and he won’t let me be overwhelmed. Life is so wonderful that I can’t imagine anyone refusing the join The Body and live in the presence of the Leader. Oh! Getting to live through all eternity in Heaven with the Leader and his father is a really big thing too!

Christ as Lord

I once read about a metaphor Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, had described. In this metaphor Bill described a throne in our life. All our life decisions are controlled from this throne. As a non-Christian, we sit on that throne making all our decisions under our own power. However, when we become a Christian, we give up our place on that throne to Christ so that he is the one making the decisions. I tried to live like this, with Christ on my throne. Soon, however, I realized that most of the time I would occupy the throne until my life was in a mess. Then I’d try to get off the throne, so Christ could take his place there. This was a constant struggle for me.

Later, I read a book by Andrew Murray called “Absolute Surrender.” In that book, Murray said we were to live our lives in absolute surrender to God. He portrayed absolute surrender like a general in the field surrendering everything to the conquering general, material things and lives. He even pointed out that in our own power we couldn’t do that, but we could ask for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable us to live in absolute surrender. I started trying to live my life surrendered to God. I was more successful, but I still found myself returning to living like I was in control. I made choices according to my desires, took credit for successes and blamed failures on someone or somthing other than me.

Recently I’ve been reading a book by John Bevere titled “Good or God.” Bevere makes the point that many of us become Christians by taking the step of accepting Christ as our lord and savior. When we accept the gift of that atoning sacrifice we also accept his lordship over our lives. However, what happens typically is we acknowledge our need to be saved from the consequences of our sins, but forget about Christ being Lord. We continue living our lives as we have in the past comfortable that our sins are forgiven. We are living only half of the declaration we made when we became a Christian.

Bevere points out that being Lord of our lives is Christ’s position, his title. Christ performing the atoning sacrifice on the cross, paying for the consequences of our sins once for all, was a single action our loving Lord performed on our behalf. 

That observation by Bevere suddenly opened my eyes. I had been mostly unsuccessful at staying off the throne in my life and struggled to live a surrendered life. The reason was, I hadn’t seen these as aspects of living my life with Christ as my Lord. With Christ as Lord, the throne of my life is his, not mine. With Christ as Lord, I surrender my life to him as my Lord. I picture this much like the medieval lords holding absolute control over their people. But unlike those mortal rulers who abused their subjects, I see Christ as a beneficent ruler, desiring only the best for me. I can trust him to provide for me, to properly guide me in my life, and most importantly to love me. After all, he did choose to perform that horrendous task of being the atoning sacrifice for my sins out of obedience to the Father and out of his love for me.

I still have those times when I find myself on the throne, making my own choices, and my life a dreadful struggle. Upon realizing what I’ve done, I quietly get off the throne and re-surrender my life to Christ as his not so humble servant. And just as quietly, he resumes his place on the throne and proceeds to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life. Things are so much better when he’s in charge. I just need to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to keep the prideful, rebellious nature I have from getting in the way of living my life in the proper relationship to Christ, my LORD and savior.

Father, thank you for never giving up on me. You have repeatedly brought to me writings that have pointed me toward the path you have laid out for me. Holy Spirit thank you for using your power in my life to make the changes needed for me to be a useful servant to my lord, Jesus. And, Jesus, my lord and savior, thank you for continuing to be my lord, patiently waiting for me to get out of the way when I take it upon myself to try governing my life. Jesus, you are my Lord. All that I am and all that I have are yours. Use me in whatever way to further the Father’s kingdom on earth. My desire is to be a tool in your hands to perform your will. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, you bless me more than I deserve and shape me to be more than I can be on my own. Amen

Growing pains

To be honest, I didn't know I was struggling with the spirit of pride for most of my life. It's only been as I've been trying to grow in my Christian life that I've become of aware of the awful place pride has occupied in my life.

Pride is an ugly monster that pervades all that I do and all that I am. Pride affects my thinking, my speech, my actions. Pride leads me to boast, to take credit where it's not due, to think more of myself than I should, to think less of others than I should. Pride makes me ugly too.

I first started praying for God to take pride away from me. But, after awhile it became apparent that prayer alone wasn't working so well. I wondered what was wrong, why wasn't God answering my prayer with the elimination of pride and its trappings. I let it go for a while to see if something new would appear.

I then read a book by Andrew Murray called "Absolute Surrender." In that book Murray described the Christian living in absolute surrender to God. It is humbling to live in absolute surrender. This concept took me to a new place to view the Christian life. It echoes Paul's confession that on his own he could do nothing, but through Christ all things are possible. I started trying to surrender all of myself and all that I had to God. However, I met with little more success than I did with asking that pride be removed from my life.

I then started confessing pride as a sinful part of who I am and trying to surrender myself to God at the same time. I think I made some progress, but it was very minimal and it felt like I would simply advance and retreat, never making any real ground. Then I remembered an observation Murray made in his book: that we are too weak on our own to achieve absolute surrender, that we must ask the Holy Spirit for his power to break the holds of our old life on us.

So I tried asking for the power of the Holy Spirit to free me to surrender absolutely to God. Again, I made some progress, but I kept slipping back making very little overall gain. I was frustrated. I knew God wanted only the best for me; that he wanted me to be free of the spirit of pride and to be completely dependent upon Him from a position of absolute surrender. Yet, I wasn't demonstrating anything like that.

I was talking with my wife about how I didn't want to lose the ground I had made in changing my life. She told me that so long as I claimed the successes, I would fail to change. I thought about this. That old spirit of pride was sneaking in and claiming success, when whatever success accomplished was by the hand of the Holy Spirit. I was actually failing because I was claiming the work of the Holy Spirit. Now I really had to step back and think. I wanted to be free and I knew that true freedom lies in absolute surrender to God. However, I was sabotaging my own desire. "Why?", I asked.

I think this is part of the answer. I have grown comfortable with pride in my life. It has been a part of me for most of my life. While I am wanting to be free from its ugly effects, I'm afraid to let go of it because living without it is a complete unknown. That caused me to look at my faith and whether I trust God to take care of me. My head says "yes" that God will provide for me, protecting me from harm. But, my emotions aren't so sure.

Here, then, is the crux of the problem. I must trust in my God absolutely to absolutely surrender to Him. I must let go of what feels safe, to achieve true safety in God. I must let go of what prevents me from trusting Him, from what prevents me absolutely surrendering my life to Him.

So, I must take my hands off of pride, letting it go. I must humble myself to absolutely surrender into the safety God has promised me. Only then will I be free indeed.

Father, I confess that I have stubbornly clung to the spirit of pride. That from within that pride I have claimed the accomplishments made by the Holy Spirit, thus undoing those gains. Holy Spirit it is only through your power working working in me that the spirit of pride can be vanquished. I am too weak on my own to absolutely surrender. Therefore, Father I declare my trust in you. That I have faith that you will do what is best for me and not allow me to fall into trouble. Holy Spirit, through your power, break the hold I have kept on the spirit of pride; destroy the stronghold where pride has anchored itself to me; silence and bind the spirit of pride; and cast that ugly monster into the abyss where it will not be able to affect me or anyone else. Humble me so that I do not think in prideful ways, do not speak in prideful ways, or act in prideful ways. Father through the power of the Holy Spirit, I surrender myself to you completely, absolutely. Father cause me to live my life to your glory, not mine; proclaiming your glory, not mine; simply living as your humble servant. Thank you for already taking care of this. I want so much to be your servant, doing your will. Thank you for getting me out of the way of you accomplishing in me who you designed me to be.

Our Choices

I once heard someone say “We are the sum of our decisions.” I would like to modify that to “We are the product of the choices we’ve made.” However, I think that statement is incomplete and should be recast this way, “ We are the product of the consequences of the choices we've made.”

We make choices all of our waking lives and each choice has a consequence. It’s how we learn to adapt to our environment, find out how things work, how we learn to survive. The effect of consequences can be simplified to the application of reward or punishment as the result of our choices. The application of positive stimulus or the removal of a negative stimulus, a reward, reinforces the choice made. We will make similar choices to obtain a reward. The application of a negative stimulus or the removal of a positive stimulus, a punishment,  has the opposite effect. We avoid making similar choices to avoid punishment.

For example, as an infant when we choose to smile, our parent smiles back and gives us attention (application of a positive stimulus). This feels good, so we repeat this behavior and see the smiling face of our parent. Likewise, being hungry is uncomfortable (experience of a negative stimulus). When we cry and fuss, we get fed and the uncomfortable feeling of hunger is removed (removal of a negative stimulus). Therefore, we learn to cry and fuss in the way that gets us fed when we are hungry. The idea of “time out” is the removal of attention (removal of a positive stimulus) which we find uncomfortable. When our choice results in “time out” we will try a different choice next time to avoid the withdrawal of the good feeling of attention. In a similar way, the application of a harsh word (application of a negative stimulus) will discourage us from repeating the choice that resulted in the negative stimulus.

Throughout our developing years this process is repeated extensively. We learn the rules of living, getting along, how to be friends, how to be loving, how to feel happy, how to be safe, and everything else that defines us.This process continues into our adult years where our learning is refined and fine tuned. If it all works well, we get along with others, have our needs and most of our wants met, love and are loved. We become adept at making choices that make us feel good and avoiding choices that make us feel bad.

One of the problems that can happen is when the environment to which we've adapted is changed. This is what happens when we start school and transition to a school environment or, later, move out of the home and function on our own. Most of us navigate these changes rather well. However, some of us find that the environment to which we adapted did not prepare us for these changes and we find ourselves having difficulty moving into the next phases of our life. Our choices don't produce the desired consequences and we don’t understand why. One of the impacts of a highly reinforced behavior is that it resists being changed. So, we keep making the same choice because it had always worked in the previous environment, even though it doesn’t work well for us now in the new environment.

I believe this is why we see inappropriate behaviors in adults. In extreme cases, these behaviors can appear bizarre. The inappropriate behaviors which are the product of adapting to dysfunctional environments can be changed, but it takes a lot of work to extinguish the no longer adaptive behavior trained in and adopt a new adaptive and more appropriate behavior.

This process is far more complicated than I've described, and I've left out a very important part - the influence of the Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, everything generally happens pretty much as I've described. And the results, the outcomes are pretty much fixed. However, when we fully surrender ourselves to God and acknowledge our weakness and dependence upon Him, miraculous changes can be made. The Holy Spirit can work within us to correct the dysfunctions and provide us with new behaviors that are reinforced by Him. We indeed become "new creations."

Father, all that I am and all that I have is yours. I surrender myself absolutely into your hands. Father on my own I can do nothing; but through the power of the Holy Spirit working in me all things are possible. Father rid me of the dysfunctional, inappropriate behaviors that plague me; replacing them with behaviors that are acceptable in your sight. It is only through your power that this can happen. On my own I will fail. Thank you, Father, for loving me so much that you are willing to undo what is broken and replace it with what is healthy. I am yours and all the changes that make me a better person are credited to you.

The focus of my relationship

I was reading in the last chapter of the Gospel of John where Jesus was restoring Peter to fellowship after his denial of Jesus at the time of Jesus’ trial. Jesus finished the restoration and told Peter the manner in which he would die. Then came to these verses:

²⁰Then Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them,….²¹Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, “But Lord, what about this man?”

²²Jesus said to him, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You must follow Me.”

What struck me about these verses was how much like Peter I am. When I’m given information about a hardship I must endure, I tend to look around and say, “What about them?” I don’t think I’m alone in this reaction.

Like me, I think most people want to feel like they are not singled out for a dose of hardship, but that the experience is also being given to others. Maybe by feeling that others are having the same experience we somehow find it easier to accept what is happening to us. If I get a speeding ticket, I want to know about the fate of all those other drivers I witness speeding by. If I find that I’m going to have to work overtime hours, I want to know if others are going to have to suffer too.

Jesus’ response puts the correct perspective on the situation. “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You must follow Me.” In essence Jesus is saying, “His relationship is with me and his future is between him and me, and that’s not your concern. Your your relationship is with me. That is your only concern.” Jesus wants to be in relationship with me and he wants my focus to be on him. How Jesus deals with others is between him and them. If I am looking how Jesus is dealing with others, my focus is no longer on him.

The wonderful thing is that Jesus is able to focus on us as if we were the only person in the world. That is a thought that is hard to comprehend; Jesus wants a one to one relationship with me. He also wants a one to one relationship with everyone else; but, each relationship is personal and what goes on in each relationship is private. It is enough that I acknowledge our relationship and that I follow him. He will take care of everyone else as his relationship with them dictates.

There is a freedom in that understanding. I need only be concerned about what Jesus and I are doing together. How Jesus deals with everyone else is not my concern. That does not mean that I don’t care about others, what they are experiencing, their joys and sorrows, successes and failures. My relationship with Jesus requires me to love others as he loves me. Even more, because my loving them is part of the relationship Jesus and I share, whether or not they love me back doesn’t matter. As long as I’m obedient in my relationship with him, Jesus will take care of the rest.

There is more to this, I believe, but that will have to wait until another time when my understanding becomes clearer.

Knowing who I am

It occurred to me the other day that most of us don’t know who we really are. Yes, we know we are humans with spouses, parents, siblings, and children.  We are also church goers, employees, friends and so on. But, do we really know who we are?

I started thinking about that. I haven’t completely worked it through yet, but felt I could share my initial thoughts. I went through all same things I mentioned above: I am a husband, father, brother, son. I am an engineer and an employee. I am an elder in my church, a choir member, a Christian. When I got to Christian I had to ask myself what that meant. After thinking about that a bit, I came up with the following list.

As a Christian:

    1. I am loved by the creator of the universe.

    2. I am forgiven because Jesus took the consequences of my sins in my place.

    3. I am a child of the King, joint heir to the throne by adoption.

    4. I am a residence for the Holy Spirit, who guides and comforts me.

When I pause and reflect on what these statements say, I am humbled. I mean the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent creator God of the universe loves me. He loves me so much He sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to live on earth and die for me. The death of Jesus paid the atoning price for my sins so I could be clean and able to spend all eternity in Heaven with my heavenly Father. I mean, how awesome is that?

Even more important, I believe, is that through the fact that Christ paid the atonement for my sins, I am his and through him the Father’s. So I not only get to spend eternity with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit; I get to do that as a family member, an heir to the Kingdom by adoption.

So the real question is not “Who am I?”; but “Whose am I?” Once I’ve been able to firmly acknowledge "whose" I am, the answer of who I am will become easier. I think there’s a lot more to this that I haven’t worked through, so I expect to come back to this again.

Knowing God

It seems that I consistently find myself in situations where I fail to do or say what is appropriate. That failure always produces undesirable consequences. I get really tired of experiencing undesirable consequences.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why I fail in these situations. Something I remember being taught about going through painful experiences is to look for God in them. So, I began looking for God in the situations, my failure in the situation, and the consequences of my failure.

One thing I realized is that each situation is a kind of test. If I have learned the lesson, I will come through the situation unscathed. If I fail, well, I experience something undesirable. That realization led to the next logical thought. What is the lesson I am to learn?

Keeping in mind that the lesson was from God helped to narrow the focus of my search. Another question that helped was to ask, “Why did I fail to do or say what is appropriate?” The answer which I eventually arrived at was that I was relying only on my own understanding of the situation and what I thought was appropriate. Putting that answer together with this being a God arranged lesson led to the conclusion that I wasn’t seeking God’s input for the appropriate response to the situation. But I have tried seeking God's input a few times and effort did not bear any fruit. Naturally, this train of thought continued with the question of, “Why didn’t my seeking God’s input work?”

Getting the answer to this question took a lot more thought. Like so many people, I function mostly at an intellectual level. That is, I look at situations with my eyes, recall my experiences, make what I think are rationale choices, etc. I rely on my head knowledge and what I know. I read the Bible and understand what it says in my head. When I pray, the words are from my head. Sometimes, things like a scripture verse or someone’s prayer will touch my heart; but I mostly function in my head.

However, I've learned that God works on a deeper level than just in my head. He works in my heart. When God speaks to me, he speaks through my heart. So, if I want to hear God’s voice, I must learn to listen with my heart. Being the “head thinker” that I am, I haven’t learned to be a very good “heart thinker.”

So, now, I think I am closing in on the answer to my original question, “What is the lesson I am to learn?” I am to seek God’s guidance in all things, listening for his response with my heart.

My work is laid out in front of me: I must learn to diligently seek God’s guidance in all that I do and learn to listen with my heart. The first task is one of building a new habit, but the second is far more difficult for me. I have to learn to be a “heart thinker.” In doing this, I will learn to know God in my heart and not just in my head.

This will take a lot of time and effort and, I suspect, a lot of growing. I’ll try to share some of my experiences in this process from time to time.